Okay, this will be very loooooooong, but I promise to write the truth and nothing but the truth. Plus hey, mommy named me Holly, so basically that is the least I can do.
It is Wednesdays 12th February, the unfolding of events.
So apparently, Kenya’s best rapper, King Shukid, appointed me to be his acting manager! Okay, I hate lies, my exes already know that and I’m not trynna win them back, nor I’m I trynna make them have a wrong picture of me, so let’s start again. I appointed myself as the manager of Kenya’s best rapper, King Shukid, since I hate seeing people sleeping on real talent. And ever since I been listening to Coola Gang, I have always been a fan of Shukid’s work. So it is Wednesday 12th and we are busy with the distribution of his mixtape, to a few important persons who matter in the Hip Hop scene meaning you basically don’t matter if we didn’t get you the tape yesterday).
It’s 1427hrs, I leave my place for town, but I gotta pass by the barber shop, if you have known me well enough ( where by ‘well enough’ I mean a week) I always gotta have a fresh cut everyday, after I shaved my afro that is. I get to my barber and he is no way in a hurry, long story short, I get my cool cut and leave for town at 1537hrs. Shukid expects me to be in town already. During the long journey from my hood Umoja (Diaspora according to my sister in crime-Mishu) I decide to read a novel. Whenever I’m traveling, I read a novel; it is one of the things my boss Ian Arunga taught me. Plus it helps me focus and keep my mind and eyes off the ladies in the matatu. But today, I can’t concentrate; there is one lady who is just one seat after me. To use twitter terms, she can get it RAW. The funny thing is, she is possibly busy tweeting Ramzzy, Joe Muchiri or Sickolia, judging from how she smiles after receiving every new tweet, it has to be Ramzzy.
I get to town (don’t ask how) and pick the cds from my Homie Shukid. First stop is capital fm where I deliver one tape to Joe Muchiri. The lady at the reception didn’t even look at me twice and I’m like WTF! But I can’t blame her, she is used to seeing billionaires like CK, I’m just a ghetto boy. But soon, she will look at me thrice! I’m headed to Spring Valley, to meet my girl Caroline Spencer, here is where the drama starts. First, I board the wrong mat, and instruct the guy to alight me at Nairobi Baptist Church, instead of NPC. I’m very sober, believe me. Okay, I rarely get to visit this places, you got to understand, I am from the ghetto. The number 32 mat, to Kibra, that I took actually gets me closer to NPC, but I gotta trek for a while, which is absolutely no problem. I get to NPC at 1727 and I wonder if I will meet the people I’m supposed to.
Luckily, I get to meet some of the most wonderful beings on earth, @verbstract and @carolinespencer, @Ramzzy_ is occupied somewhere, I won’t say what I was told he is doing (plus, you twitter people bitch so much). The guys actually loved the tape I delivered to them, to my surprise! Okay, @verbstract is one hell of a cool dude, he is a real Ninja. After promising Spencer that I will get her some cool Shukid branded t-shirt, I dash off. At the gate, the king calls me with instructions on where to meet him, since we are headed to Upperhill, Crowne Plaza, to meet one of the biggest Hip Hop heads in Africa for an interview. We walked to Crowne plaza as I bump the new ID37 music; you people are not even ready for what these kids are making, music! Getting to the plaza, after so many requests for direction we find our guest missing, he is at Pride Inn, Westlands. We have to take a cab since he invites us over, plus hey, it is Sleepless Nights we are talking about, we have to be successful.
I am from the East, so basically, I depend on Shukid (who grew up in Canada and USA) and Grands (who stays in the Diaspora – Rongai) to guide the cab guy to Pride Inn. Long story short, we get chauffeured to the wrong Pride Inn, apparently, there are three Pride Inns in Westy! We take another cab, whose driver tries to steal from us, to the right venue. Ambition my guy, we have to make this dream come true, ya feel me? We finally get to Pride Inn, Rhapta road and meet the guy Phil, from the African Hip Hop blog. He invites us to his hotel room and well, we debate quickly whether to or not; he is twice bigger than us, but since we are three, plus he is a foreigner in our own country, we oblige (don’t let him know how insecure Kenyans are). We have a long interesting interview, or as Grands would put it, ‘rants from Shukid’, concerning Kenyan Hip Hop. I actually think Phil slept four times in between the interview. But hey, Shukid was right in whichever way, the guy is just trynna save the genre that he feels is depleting away.
We are done with the interview at around 2212, we gotta get outer here and head to Karen, where Shukid is scheduled to perform. On our way out, we ask the guards for the direction to the bus stop, since we hope to find a cheap cab there. We get lost and end up in the deeps of Westlands, if not for Grands phobia for dogs, we would have walked all night trying to get to the bus stop. We find ourselves back at pride Inn, the time is 2234 and all I’m thinking is yo, Arsenal is about to whoop Manchester’s azz. Finally, we trace the right direction to Safaricom centre, the stage closest to Pride Inn and instead of a cab, we take a Mat to town. Smooth ride to town, boring passengers, nothing much about them to write. I speak to my girl Sophia via whatsapp. Now Sophia (who is currently in South Africa) is one of the close people I cherish, this lady believes in me without a single spec of doubt. Even better than my girlfriend (she never reads any of my posts so I am not even worried anyway). God bless your heart Michelle.
Back in town, the game is already on and the presenter at radio Jambo (in the Mat from Westy) makes us scream every time the ball gets close to the goalpost. Kenyans will understand what I mean. Its 2317 so we let Grands board a mat to his digz, since he doesn’t drink (as King Shukid puts it). As for us, we have to find a bottle of amber to sip on our way back home, as Shu’ will be spending the night at a cousin’s place in Eastlands. The guy went and bought Top Secrets!!! Okay, here is one of the guy codes y’all prolly aint known. When your boy buys a drink, you gotta take it, even if it’s not your brand! Reason being, instead of spending the money on some honeys, he chose to buy you a drink! Its bros over hoes my guy. That means Holly, a staunch Amarula ambassador, has to drink a Top secret! The results will be very severe.
We are in a cab, to Donholm, but how we end up at Simmers, I can’t explain my guy. All I know is, I see some very ugly ladies, showcasing equally ugly thighs. I am sad; my girl Sue will be disappointed knowing the kind of thighs I am exposed to. Considering how hers’ are heavenly, I curse myself for even staring at these Koinange thighs. A lot of smoke is now emanating from the cab; I have the Top Secrets bottle in my hands, just in case you are already guessing. Shukid is talking to the cab guy in sheng and Lawd I can’t deal! So I get dropped at Donholm to get another cab or mat to my hood, and all I realize is I am stoned (not K’ogallo kind of stoned). I take a motorbike instead and as we near my place, I realize that the guy has his helmet on, yet the wind is all up on my head. Let me explain this to you, when you get the purp and the drink up in your head, it is like a dry grass lit with fire. So imagine when wind blows over the fire. I am burning my guy, you see? I get dropped at the joint where my cuz is watching the game and the second half is already underway. I check my phone and see a ‘G’dnight tweet from Sue’. I curse at the dying phone, she actually tweeted me good night yet I can’t even reply coz my phone is dying. The game ends, I don’t know the score but my cuz is very furious and looks disappointed. All I do on my way to the crib is curse at the stupid phone. Sue actually wished me a good night and I couldn’t respond man.
N/B – I woke up and realized that I dint eat anything the whole of yesterday, apart form the PK chewing gums I had the whole day. As you can see, we never/rarely sleep. Music is a serious business. My Homie Shukid has a double cd mixtape, Sleepless Nights 1 & 2 dropping on 15th Feb. it is something you should have a copy, it is a heartfelt. To use his own words, we are introducing levels to this Kenyan music shit.